Laugh Your Heart Out with Our Unforgettable SEX Jokes!

Having sex when your old is like trying to save money in a bank. You put it in, you take it out. Pretty soon you lose interest.

Just finished reading a book on sexual disorders, It had a surprising Climax.

So the birds have sex with the bees and then the birds head pops off? That’s how my dad explained it.

What does a robot do after sex?
He nuts and bolts.

I used to have a girlfriend whose safe word during sex was "flower," but she kept saying "flour."

Good sex is essential for a happy marriage but a marriage isn't essential for good sex.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I'm wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway

Everyone talks about how good car sex is.

At my age I can barely handle sex with a person, much less a car.

If you haven’t had sex in a long time, that’s called mourning wood.

Sure sex is great but have you ever waved goodbye to houseguests.

I'd talk to my wife more during sex if I were better at dialing the phone with one hand.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

Stove Top stuffing does NOT mean sex in the kitchen. I know that now.

My wife wants me to slap her arse when we have sex.

She said it will stop her falling asleep!

I have a bumper sticker on my car saying "honk if you think I'm sexy."

Some days I just sit at a green light until I'm feeling good about myself.

Someone: describe your sex life in two words.

Me: my what?

After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.
Every time I walk by she says, What an Ass.

Y’all better not ask Santa for someone sexy because i can’t be with everyone at once.

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde

Everything I know about sex I learned from Tetris.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Australians don't have sex, Australians mate.

Guy: is my penis sexy?

Me: can I choose dare?

I didn't scream out someone else's name during sex...I was just thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant!

*Sexting over walkie talkies*
“Hell yeah baby bend over.”
“Bend what? Over.”

Casual sex implies the existence of competitive tournament sex.

It's not premarital sex if you don't get married.
Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

I don't usually have sex on dates, but when I do they are dry.

- What do Jersey girls use as protection during sex?
- Bus shelters.

Me: *sexy voice* I’ve got my grey sweatpants on

Wife: You know I’ve already seen you naked, right?

Me: Oh right. Married

Wife: And put that cucumber back in the fridge.

If Elton John were a small garden statuette he would be a gnomosexual

I was recently accused of posting a long series of messages about I'm Too Sexy, Deeply Dippy and other songs, but I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.

Biology Professor says, ''There are 8 sexually transmitted diseases...........
You will get atleast one in the practicals..

Sex in your 30's: tri-weekly
Sex in your 40's: try weekly
Sex in your 50's: try weakly

Confucius say, sex on beach like American beer - fucking near water.

Confucius say, boy who go to sleep with sex problem on mind wake up with solution in hand.

Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.
After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch.
A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."